Daddy Issues

This past month has been crazy! I've been to Atlanta, Dallas, Minneapolis, Louisville and Chicago as well as back home to Bloomington, IL. But it's been an awesome month and although much of the travel was for work, it was to be with people and to talk about what I love. So very much worth it!

With all that travel and about 3 straight weeks of not "working" (sitting here at my desk working), it's time to play catch up (or ketchup or catsup if you prefer). So on this cold Monday it's time to tell the world what's been going on!

I would have to say one of the most impacting times over the past month was my time in Dallas. I went there for a convention but scheduled in some time to see my dad whom I hadn't seen in about 5 years. If you remember my post from October 1, "Parenting Advice for a Single Guy!?", I had realized that a relationship with my dad is healthy and something that I needed to pursue.

So looking back on that post I am realizing that of the 4 stages (nursing, king/queen, coach, and friend) I hadn't ever really experienced ANY of these with my dad. Funny thing. . . I found myself acting like a kid around him at first. It was the weirdest thing! I would want to jump on him, hit him, and just play around. And immediately I recognized it and had to stop myself. That's what we always did when we would see each other over the years and so that was my first inclination. So basically I had to skip all the steps (partially consciously) and go straight to the "friend" stage. 

And you know what?? It was GREAT! I had never really spent a good amount of time with my dad as an adult. I ended up staying with him about 3 days and it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. 

I can think back over the years and I have said OUT LOUD that I didn't want to be like my dad. He's made some poor choices in life (haven't we all!?), but the funny thing is that I never really knew what it was/wasn't that I didn't want to be like. All I knew was that his absence in my life had created this inner turmoil that I still can't explain. This turmoil still exists, but I at least feel like I have a better understanding of it. Turns out we are very much alike. We think the same way about the very basics of life. About treating people with respect. About helping others. Granted, we are very different in many ways also, but I realized that I was OK with turning out to be like him. I'll learn from his mistakes and make a few different choices, but overall he's not the "bad guy" I always thought he was. 

I don't know how to explain it but I left Dallas with a little touch of pride and a little more self-esteem and a little more confidence. I guess those are things you get from your dad? 

I also got to spend some time with my younger brother, Evan! What a great kid! (kid? he's 26!) He's dealt with way too much for someone his age and he's a trooper! I haven't had much of a relationship with him either in the past. That's something I want to change too!

Keep in touch for some breaking news coming soon. . . 

Parenting advice for a single guy!?

As I continue on this journey I'm on I'm learning more about myself and where this self is going. The coolest thing is learning to see God in your everyday life. When I'm in Jamaica it's easy because I'm there for a purpose and that is to seek God and help others seek Him. Of course that's my purpose when I'm home too, but I'm saying it's a lot easier when you can see the ocean and it's 85 degrees and sunny. :)

What I love about Crossroads (my church) is that they don't just give you some helpful advice for your life like some might expect from a mega-church. No! They give you great advice but it ALWAYS ties into Scripture and God. So when we're talking about our interpersonal relationships it always points back to our relationship with God. This weekend we continued on this series on Knock-offs. . . knowing when you have the real thing or a cheap imitation in relationships. The first week was marriage, last week was singleness, and this week was parenting.

What can a single guy with no kids take away from parenting!?

Well, turns out before you can be a parent you have to be a kid first. So while learning about parenting I also got to see the stages from a child's perspective. And not just in an earthly child/parent relationship but also in our child/parent relationship with our Creator!

There were 4 stages: nursing, king/queen, coach, and friend.
Nursing: the parent gives, gives, gives; the child can not give back, they can only take
King/Queen: just think terrible 2s! The parent becomes King over the child because the parent knows best and has the child's best interest in mind.
Coach: you've done the nursing and the King stage. You've taught and done your best, now you stand on the sideline and encourage and advise.
Friend: you see your child not only as your baby but as your friend. You've stopped pulling the King card on them and you may occasionally coach, but your primarily friends.

And this is how we grow and relate with our Creator God! The thing that stuck out to me the most is that sometimes as parents we get stuck in a stage or start being a friend when we should be Kinging! And I realized that in our relationship with our Creator we can get stuck in a phase as a child. We're still in the nursing stage, wanting God to give, give, give but we're not willing to give back. When something goes wrong we want it fixed and we want more. We need to grow up!

One line stuck in my head that relates to me today. Brian (Tome) is imitating a child throwing a tantrum but using adult situations. "I waaaaant that joooooobbb! I waaaant that caaaaaaaar! I want to be married!"

Now I think I'm the only guy in the world who actually wants to be married (snicker) but I feel like that has been my attitude recently. "God! Whyyyyyy can't I just find someone niiiiiiice!? Whyyyyyy?" Ha! Obviously not to that degree, but somewhat. And I've realized that in a way I'm reverting back to the nursing stage as a child instead of realizing and trusting that God has a plan and He ALWAYS has my best interest in mind.

So here's to growing up! Here's to trusting in God's timing like I've done (or claim to do at least) so many times before.

Oh, and Brian encouraged us to have a relationship with our parents/children. To rebuild bridges that have been burnt or are broken. And I realized I haven't talked to my dad in years. Time to make a phone call. . .